Are we a confused generation, or we have always been confused from the beginning of time?.
The media run by conglomerates spew information intended to confuse, cause further conflict and make us doubt our minds.
Free access to billions of data, scientific facts and opinions blurs our belief system and complicates trusting our guts.
What you believe and eventually become is hugely influenced by what you hear with your ears and what you see with your eyes. After all, doubting ‘Thomas’ wanted the real deal, to see the resurrected incarnated Jesus Christ with his own eyes.
We can’t blame him; if it happened according to the biblical stories within the bible that many centuries ago, it is now even difficult to believe everything the media corporation tells us – at least, Jesus came to set him straight and scolded him for his disbelief.
We may have all become doubting Thomas with shielded eyes and ears without knowing.
You turn the news on, and what you get is a fabricated version of events; you listen to the radio, and once again, you hear distorted accounts of the truth and worse, you speak directly with an expert, and you can tell within nanoseconds that they are not telling you the truth.
Oh, how we have been inflicted with the disease that is causing further confusion, division and hate.
The principles from Vanessa Van Edwards’s enigmatic book, ‘Master the secret language of charismatic communication cues (small signals, incredible impact)’, can provide solace and insight.
Several written works explain this phenomenon, but Mrs Van Edwards’s reasoning and explanations tick the boxes for understanding how to overcome this setback.
Now, if you genuinely knew “The words you use cue others”, you will be vigilant in watching your mouth.
Knowing and applying this simple realization will position you to get almost anything you want in life.
A powerful realization, especially when it accounts for only 7% of our communication skills. Our words can make or break us.
Words change the world – used effectively and influentially, they can get you walking Halls of Fame.
To name some names, Martin Luther, Gandhi, President Kennedy, Mandala, and Obama understood their assignments and used their oratory skills to change the world.
They did, and their legacies still lives on, whether with us or have joined the ranks in heavenly realms.
Learning this skill and combining it with what Mrs Van Edward has spent years confirming; your ‘non-verbal cues’ will make the life journey smoother than a baby’s backside.
To amass success in societal standards, understand and act on this 55/38/7 Formula.
We must teach children this rule coined by Albert Mehrabian, a body language researcher—the first to articulate the rationale behind a face-to-face conversation.
It plainly states that communication is 55% nonverbal, 38% vocal, and 7% words only.
Unbelievable right? Every day we send out interpersonal messages that we’re unaware of.
It’s a hot topic that only a few take seriously, and these few are the ones striking it big – they’ve learnt and understood this element and have set it in motion.
The simple math formula is all you need to get whatever you want in life – to win friends and business contracts.
That is why most people don’t like math, assuming it’s complicated and only a genius can solve it. But there’s hope for the rest of us, I promise.
Think back to when a colleague, your child, a family member or a stranger said something to you, but you felt uncomfortable that something wasn’t quite right.
The way they said it, how they said it and their facial expression made you doubt the authenticity of their words.
Take the example of Jamie Siminoff, the founder of ‘Ring’, the billion-dollar company that Amazon eventually acquired, had a troublesome beginning when looking for investors.
He went on Sharks, the TV show to secure investment; however, all the angel investors vetoed his concept even when the young start-up had excellent traction and the potential to strike big.
According to Vanessa Van Edwards, he was passed on this deal because ‘virtually every tiny signal, or cue, Siminoff shared—through his body language, vocal modulation, and pitch—undermined his credibility’.
His wrong cues crashed and burnt his vast potential. His cues spoke even louder than his billion-dollar idea.
What is the lesson for us to learn; ‘understanding the power of using cues to achieve goals and dreams’.
The definition of cues is “the powerful verbal, nonverbal, and vocal signals humans send to one another”. Everyone uses cues, whether intentionally or unaware of their signals.
We don’t realize how much cues affect us. What does this mean for you?
Think about all the cues you’re sending to others. Not just your words, vocal power, and body language but also the cues in your environment.
I have met numerous people from diverse nationality backgrounds, from all genders, and even the new trending dispositions to different age groups.
One undeniably visible thing is that everyone consciously or subconsciously communicates most through non-verbal actions.
EXAMPLE OF NON-VERBAL CUE IN ACTION
This example based on a child applies equally to adults, starting from childhood. Never too late to pick up from unresolved bad habits.
Take Christopher, nine years old boy from a small town in Kumasi, Ghana, whose parents abandoned him when he was sweet age of 2 years and have gone through many different homes to be taken care.
He has shown through his interactions and communications ability that sometimes what meets the eye can be the defining factor in how people will eventually treat you – unless you find a way to break from that first-time perception mentality.
For over seven years, Christopher has averted making eye contact with adults and peers, avoided speaking unless forced to answer basic questions such as his name and age, constantly fidgets with his hands and always has his shoulders hanging low.
From looking closely, this behaviour is the epitome of what not to do with our nonverbal cues, as it’s a strong giveaway of someone struggling with confidence and low self-esteem.
You could say; how can a nine year know anything about nonverbal communication and see the impact it will have on his future. You may be right because if we are unaware or told about the importance of these hidden cues, we will forever walk on this earth assuming and thinking that it is what it is, and that’s just how I am or how everyone is – taking power from ourselves.
The good news is that, in life, there are always second chances or opportunities to break old habits and thinking. Also, there are numerous people who care and are kind enough to want to help make life a better one.
The first time I met Christopher, his spirit synergistically aroused mine and till today, I still believe that when we know our cues, we can spot them in others who are not aware, especially children and can step up to correct and help them learn and understand the impact it has and will have in the long term if not corrected sooner.
Spending time with him allowed me to understand his issues, conditions and difficulties he’s had and still having.
Interestingly, this contributes to adult complexities when not diagnosed from childhood.
It turns into a self-loathing monster that needs therapy and counselling to put right, if only lucky, to get the right people along the journey to help find yourself or your soul along the harsh realities of life.
It is a lack of time understanding his emotions, feelings, temperaments, beliefs and values, and he needs the ability and opportunity to be allowed to be expressed appropriately.
But, most importantly, I assessed the key is the undivided attention needed to be nurtured and loved into a capable and functional adolescent child.
What is the connection with non-verbal communication, and why is it essential to achieve almost anything in life? It is the vital link between growth and proper development in children through adulthood.
Positive energy and vibes through the nonverbal set the way for children to learn how to interact healthily with peers and adults and set the tone for life’s most crucial ingredient of becoming inwardly and externally successful.
As the example with Christopher, even closer to home with my children, when I use warm, welcoming and open, caring body language towards them, it instantly changes the mood and environment, and the energy is full of light and love.
Would it be easy every day as a parent with a full day of responsibilities to divert the stresses away, so they also learn how to express love easily?
No, it wouldn’t, and it’s not supposed to be smooth sailing all the time.
Imagine as a child seeing and hearing an adult, particularly a parent and role model, at least once a day saying and exhibiting tiredness and expect activeness from the children.
It doesn’t make sense, right, because these same actions will be expressed, the same as the emotions of happiness and love.
I was rebuked, and rightly so, by my 11year old that why is it okay to say I’m tired by the end of the day, but they can’t make similar complaining comments and bingo, it was clear as day that the reason Christopher, Joel, Mary, my two boys Jayden and Jairus and others at the workshops held by ‘Cherished Blossoms’ is because they either become reclusive to their environment or exhibit the behaviours of the key people in their lives who are supposed to lead and teach them how to navigate the jungles of life.
EXAMPLES OF NONVERBAL CUES AND THEIR MEANINGS
If I have to write and expand, I will write a book.
Vanessa Van Edwards’s book has suitable engaging lessons, and I would suggest reading to get a fuller breakdown – this summary will only get you started.
According to Van Edwards, these vital nonverbal cues will get us closer to achieving success in life; luckily, I agree and have seen it in action by exceptional individuals doing great things.
- Facial expressions are essential nonverbal cues that convey emotions. A smile indicates happiness, while a frown indicates sadness.
- Eye contact shows interest and attention while avoiding eye contact indicates disinterest or dishonesty.
- Posture and gestures also provide additional information on the message being conveyed. For instance, crossed arms indicate defensiveness, while leaning forward shows interest and engagement.
Now take these three and work on them, and without hugely endorsing her book, get it to follow up and read your way to success; you will thank me later.